老餅范

這個星期是中六、七同學參與evaluation的日子。所有同學必須參與並填寫電腦上各條題目，缺席同學稍後仍要參加，顯示學校非常重視這個由學生對老師和課程、教學的意見。事實上，有些老師的去留、任教班級的更改、甚至每學年年終的優秀老師嘉許(節目)都會因這個評估而出現。對一些金飯碗(permanent) 的老師來說，雖有壓力，但仍可接受；相對一些較後入職的老師如我，以兩年合約形式生存，就成為像孫悟空的緊箍咒了。

一位同事告訴我，正因如此，有些老師為了取得「佳績」，會儘量對學生有求必應；他透露一些老師更常送糖菓小吃，打動顧客學生的心；執行紀律時避重就輕、驚怕傷害惹怒現今嬌生慣養、不能斥責的「公主、王子」，給他們作報復。 可惜的是，真的有同學以這個所謂 course-e來「表達」他們對某些老師的不滿。

前數天上課後，下樓梯時遇到另一班同學，他們似乎剛完成這項重要工作，正在興高釆烈地討論他們的「意見」，邊說邊笑。我看在眼裡，有點無奈、也感可悲。 (待續)

我任教的學校在香港高考所向披靡，差不多百分百進入大學門檻兒。我多次在不同的時間，問及同學如何揀選大學課程，答案總離不開商科和法律，我差點兒以為本地大學衹有商學院和法律學院。有位同學甚至半帶嘲笑的說：唔通揀哲學咩，跟住畢業出來就拿砵子討飯！他的回應引來全班哄堂大笑。

曾幾何時，教育是我們對這個世界認識的開始。它讓我們不單衹明白一些有趣現象，更啟動我們的好奇心引擎；它也讓我們更有效地與人溝通；更讓我們了解自己，發揮自我潛能。但不知那些時候，成人世界的父母、長輩、甚至老師，都告訴我們，學習的最終目標是拿取一紙文憑，跟着找一份高薪工作、享受豐饒豐足的生活。 不知何時，教育變成資本家、企業家的職業培訓的手段，因應市場需要，推出忠心、聰慧和拼博的員工。

次子心培性格鬼馬，創意無限，常有一些出人意表的舉動。

前晚，和他說完故事後，正準備入睡找周公的時候，他突然告訴我和他媽媽一件事：－

『亞梁sir(史丹福泳會教練)以前响第三組教我游水時，叫咗我范金培。』

『咦，係咩？點解嘅？』

『哎，可能我讀得唔清楚啦。亞梁sir問我個名，我咪話叫范dum培。可能我講得唔清楚啦，佢就叫咗我范金培。後來佢先至叫番我做范dum培。』

我和老妻強忍着笑，一來我們驚覺他可以完整描述多月前一件事件，二來他又明白自己的一些不準確的發音。

他就是這樣，無端端說一件塵年舊小事。他真可愛！

Each class of our school has to hold at least two meetings with all subject teachers in a school year, discussing the students' behaviour, discipline, learning and all other class matters.  And the subject teachers should write something for any students prior to the meeting.

The English teacher of my class, who is well experienced and kind, told me last Friday that, she has nothing to say about my class, just simply because they perform so well.  She even said, she hasn't taught such a "good" class for the past few years.  They take initiative, are eager to learn, pay attention to the class, and seldom miss homework or be late for it.

I can't agree any more about it.  Yes, I had received two assignments of my subject, and yes, nobody handed in late, and they also don't eat and sleep in the class.  But in fact, I believe some of them would have been doing so in their secondary school, but when they got to a new place, everything goes to new, and more importantly, the mood, the general mood of the class, make the whole class stick together to follow a norm, which is lucky to say, a positive norm.

But it's not all, I believe.  They do well, or strive to do well, also because they're regarded being good boys and girls.  They're expected to do well, and so, they try their best not to let the teachers down.

I'm not humble enough, but still have to say, the act and move of the class tutor is also very crucial.  Probably I'm too early to say so, but in fact, I'm quite positive towards them, treating them mature and good students.  I'm democratic to them, but show real confidence on them also.

But the most important thing is, in my opinion, I think every student, every mankind, tries his/her best to do well.  Even a murderer, when s/he's a child, s/he's a lovely child.  A rapist didn't want to rape anyone at his first stance.  It applies to our students.   If teachers treat and regard them good students, I see no points that they won't do well; at least, they will try.

I always heard the chats from colleagues in the staff room about the students.  Some teachers always look down the students, or think the bad side of them.  Sometimes, if I haven't heard of the first few words, I would have thought they're talking about a serial killer, or a bad guy coming from prison.  They always regard students as bad, ugly in heart, common liar, and worst of all, the students would do something bad towards the teachers intentionally, without reasons.

Doesn't it make sense?  Of course not, but they do, I mean the teachers.  They think some students are born bad guys.

Every one has her/his own story, a story of his/her family, growth-up path, his/her peers, and anything that can help or hinder his/her personal growth.  As a teacher, or even an adult, what we can do, is to develop students' potential, let them see things from different angles, and even give them a role model of a responsible and mature person.  However, if a teacher has a pessimistic or even trumatic history of his/her own, and can't treat students well, s/he should consider leaving the field, and do something else but not education.

Well, that's why I have a thought of teaching student teachers.  Of course, it's quite impossible, at the moment, and in few years' time.  Well...anyway, I try my best of being inspiring, positive, approachable teacher.

上星期三，在學校的走廊遇到小情侶家朗和Katherine，他們不約而同地恭賀我牛一，並欲和我午膳。正當我想開口說好的時候，他們倆欲說：「Clive，你咁受學生歡迎，唔駛間今個星期都full哂架啦！不如就下個星期先啦！」。事實上，那天我無約，甚至午餐盒也沒有準備。但我已沒好意思再說了。

那種不能清楚澄清、啞巴吃黃蓮的感覺令我感到有點難堪。我跟着在想，我有點兒明白女孩子，尤其美人兒們，在情人佳節、或週末期間，、被人問及出外逛街、或佳人有約的時候，被人誤會但無法澄清的時候的那種心情了。

Yesterday was my birthday.  Nothing special, as usual.  I always think a birthday shouldn't be celebrated without involving the parents. 

N years ago, I was born in Tsuen Wan, ranked the third, the youngest among the siblings.  But I was lucky that I came from a warm and caring family.  We're not rich, and with sufferings (from the sense of my mother's illness), but I still enjoyed the old days when we lived in Kwun Tong.

Probably I'm getting older, I always think of my previous days, especially playing with my elder sister at home, role-play being parents, and with more than ten kids.  My elder brother?  Sorry that I don't have clear memory with him, unless when we played badminton together in adolescence.

Now I'm a father of three, similar to my childhood.  One different thing for sure is that, they have better living, at least in terms of monetary situation.

Two days ago, we had an appointment with the specialist GP and speech therapist of the Department of Health with Xin Pei.  We thought he has a problem of social skills and speech, but also he possesses intelligent mind.  Well, after nearly 4 hours of "investigation" from the two specialists, Xin Pei was diagnosed a syndrome of high functioning Dylexia.  Thank God that the situation is not severe, only that he gets a bit problem in interacting with other children, and find it hard to do role-play game.  We're still going to do an IQ assessment with him simply because we can treat him in another way, if he's confirmed to be high IQ boy.

Going back about me, I have been receiving compliments from students about my birthday.  I really enjoy it.  I enjoy it not because I received so many compliments but the relationships and bondings among us.  I really enjoy teaching the youngsters, not extremely much, but very much.  Probably because I don't think I'm "higher" than they are and so, I can get along with them in a fair and closer situation.  More than that, I was loved in my childhood and path of growth.  I know how and what to share love, from heart.

It's quite coincident for me getting a career in education.  Well, I really fell in love with it, and always fine tune my way of getting along with those kids.  Adulthood is ugly, full of lies, betrade and defence.  But when you interact with the youths, well, they seldom "calculate" the pros and cons of being together, just starting from teacher-and-student relationships, and then move forward, and further.  Luckily that I started my teaching career in a band 5 school, and the students always lacked being loved and cared, and I can offer them without very much difficulty.  Of course, what I have done simply came from my heart voluntarily.  I think it's important.  Oh, one more thing, don't count the return.

Of course (again), it doesn't mean that there's no love and care if teachers can't build good relationship with them, but I do believe, deeply, that everything starts from relatedness, bonding, relationships, and all those things come from one thing, LOVE.  It is the ultimate point of origin from our creator. 

One day, when I die and have a funeral (or some kind of ceremony), I hope the hall is full of my students, from young to adult, from gentlemen to ladies.  They laughed and chatted about the precious moments when I was teaching them, teasing them, playing with them, enjoying food with them, and even cried with them.

Thank you Lord, for giving me such a wonderful and colourful life, with my beloved, and the three lovely lovely kids.

親愛的綺芬：

昨天是妳的生日，幸好我的老毛病沒有發作，沒有叫妳委屈，反而算是過了一個很好的生日天，是嗎？

和妳已認識了＋多個年頭，共訂盟約走在一起也已＋五年了！打從在城大接妳放學，陪妳讀書；大老山隧道通車，第一時間駕車和妳嘗嘗新隧道；那夜在淺水灣的一刻，至今仍歷歷在目。 在英國共渡密「年」期，一起玩雪、遊歐洲，一起照顧Daniel仔；兩口子一起供村屋；親身看着妳生產三個小孩......，一切都慶幸和妳一起渡過、經歷、享受。

綺芬，請原諒我的壞脾氣，讓妳一次又一次的受傷害。我常常以為自己對家庭的付出比妳大，又不懂、不肯去從妳的角度去想，不肯妥協，致令雙方常賭氣。 心銘「意外」的來臨更令我們的關係跌至低點。 他的來臨，也令妳在工作上有一番作為的夢想幻滅。 我在工作上和進修上的壓力，也把我們以住建立的親密關係弄垮。

綺芬，妳為家庭付出了很多、很多。今天，妳轉作兼職，祇為在家庭和兒女照顧上付出更多，而我，卻仍常因小事或進修安排而發脾氣，真活像一個小孩子！ 有妳在家裡照顧三條小蟲，也已讓我無後顧之憂，專心工作和進修了。

綺芬，再一次感謝妳對我的包容和忍耐。 事實上，妳的樂觀性格剛好補足我悲觀的性格。但我最欣賞的是，妳和孩子的溝通，是我學習的榜樣。 現在女兒和妳訴心事、作枕頭話，也有點令我妒忌。

綺芬，今後，請讓我再次重新擔起家庭的責任，為我們、為孩子的將來而努力，也讓我可以繼續愛妳、疼妳，行嗎？

老老

零九年九月七日

零九年九月一日

飯胃落: 相比其他學校同工，要應付新高中、驗毒、工餘進修、處理學生六年困獸鬥、援交、沉迷電玩...我們在這裡顯得較平穩 。   

零九年九月二日

飯胃落: "One of the greatest joys known to man is to take a flight into ignorance in search of knowledge" Robert Lynd.

零九年九月三日

飯胃落: Less is more. 簡約的生活，就是豐足的生活。

零九年九月四日

飯胃落: 吳榮星老師在週會，對着共二＋班中六、七同學說：死讀書，遲早變蠢豬！現今做老師就是要這一點幽默感、攪gag能力！

零九年九月八日

飯胃落: 911、零三年沙士、南亞海嘯、四川地震、甚至台灣88大風暴，都切切實實的告訴我們：人是何其渺小！ 

零九年九月九日

飯胃落: 化骨龍＞心言：用心說話和待人(應可做得到)；心培：用心培育(真要另類對待這個醒目仔)；心銘：意外之選，卻給我們全家無比歡樂！

零九年九月＋日

飯胃落: 我現在的重要任務是改變大女兒心言的負面思維，並提升她的自信，建立堅定正面的自我效能 － mission possible！！

零九年九月＋一日

飯胃落: The correct prayer is never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude.

零九年九月＋四日

飯胃落: 六個家庭從環球貿場的工業意外後破碎，這是意料之外；但人為的夫婦離異，卻叫子女們......。

零九年九月＋五日

飯胃落: 李純恩說，要耽誤一個女人，就給她一面鏡子；要耽誤一個男人，就給他一個女兒！說得精釆卻準確  

飯胃落: Feeling is a language of the soul.

零九年九月二＋一日

飯胃落: 每一件事情的發生並無好壞之分，視乎我們經歷時候的感受和經驗的看法。 可惜的是，樂觀和悲觀感有約40%是天生而來！ 

零九年九月二＋二日

飯胃落: 看到恒商一個攪笑境象：有位老師要用咪去教共三個坐在前排學生！ 超攪笑。

零九年九月二＋三日

鄭子誠用一個精采比喻說人生：與其讓手中氫氣球慢慢無聲地洩氣，倒不如斷線高飛；雖不知所歸何處，卻已一生無憾！

三嫂以自己的生命影響 U-Hall仔的生命。很多人知道大學堂有三寶，銅梯、四不像和三嫂。三個寶貝是搬不動，移不走，三嫂永遠是大學堂之寶，亦是香港大學之寶。」

So, it's been a long time not writing my blog, and of course a long time not having a summer vacation.

Starting from 2003, I had never enjoyed any one of the summer vacations, I mean real enjoyment, free from worries, total leisure, no burden...etc.

This summer vacation, the busiest one ever had, simply because i took 2.5 remaining modules in this summer break.  I took whole-day lectures from 9.30am till 4.30pm for more than 2 weeks, followed by another 7-day morning sessions.  More terribly, i have to read many journals, references before writing 3 3,000-words paper, before getting a 'permit' for graduation.

Amazingly, I did it!!  This morning (or simply say midnight), at about 2.40am, I pressed the "enter" button and submitted the last assignment.

I chatted with my wife today that, i actually enjoyed less than 5 days of summer vacation this year.  She said I can enjoy it freely in the coming summer.  Well, I'm not so optimistic.  Next summer, Xin Ming will be 2 years old, at the time full of curiosity and so, I expect I will still be busy.

I still remember, in the lectures of "advances in learning and instruction", there are four "classmates" always talking in the class.  Sometimes Professor Shiu stared at them, and some of the classmates did so, but in fact, they didn't really care and kept on talking, though a bit less noisy.  Sometimes they did something other than attending the lectures.

They are some children's teacher, and it's shame that they can't act a role model for them.  Well, they're not exceptional, and a few of them also don't know how to act respectedly towards the teacher, or towards the role of themselves.  It's shame.