老餅范

So, it's been a long time not writing my blog, and of course a long time not having a summer vacation.

Starting from 2003, I had never enjoyed any one of the summer vacations, I mean real enjoyment, free from worries, total leisure, no burden...etc.

This summer vacation, the busiest one ever had, simply because i took 2.5 remaining modules in this summer break.  I took whole-day lectures from 9.30am till 4.30pm for more than 2 weeks, followed by another 7-day morning sessions.  More terribly, i have to read many journals, references before writing 3 3,000-words paper, before getting a 'permit' for graduation.

Amazingly, I did it!!  This morning (or simply say midnight), at about 2.40am, I pressed the "enter" button and submitted the last assignment.

I chatted with my wife today that, i actually enjoyed less than 5 days of summer vacation this year.  She said I can enjoy it freely in the coming summer.  Well, I'm not so optimistic.  Next summer, Xin Ming will be 2 years old, at the time full of curiosity and so, I expect I will still be busy.

I still remember, in the lectures of "advances in learning and instruction", there are four "classmates" always talking in the class.  Sometimes Professor Shiu stared at them, and some of the classmates did so, but in fact, they didn't really care and kept on talking, though a bit less noisy.  Sometimes they did something other than attending the lectures.

They are some children's teacher, and it's shame that they can't act a role model for them.  Well, they're not exceptional, and a few of them also don't know how to act respectedly towards the teacher, or towards the role of themselves.  It's shame.

                                     Where I'm From                        by Brandie

I am from a ghetto neighborhood where people fight in the streets.

I am from the other end of Garner where people are always arguing in the streets.

I am from the past who died.

I am from my Grandpa who died in World War II.

Underneath my bed is a box full of pictures falling out like old memories just coming abck to me.

It's like the past who died and they came back to say hi.

I am from my Grandpa with gray hair, strong coffee and World War II.

He is kind, he has loving collections of knifes and he was never mean.

I am from the park where I play in, to the slide I slide down.

I am from the God who made me.

I am from Jesus who died on the cross for me.

I am from the eagles flying the sky.

I am from the swings that go high into the sky.

I am from the deep blue sea where the whales swim.

I am from the pool where I swim.

I am from the red white and blue which are the colors of my country.

I am from the heroes who saved our country and sometimes even died.

I am from the pictures I take and the pictures I draw.

I am from the Tears of a Tiger because it is sad.

I am from the books I read because it is something to do.

I am from the know-it-all because my broher thinks he knows it all.

I am from the pass-it-on because my brother tells my secrets to his friends.

I am from the attitude because my sister always has an attitude.

I am from my Mom who had me.

I am from my Grandmother who took care of me.

extracted from: Galen & Noblit, "Late to class: social class and schooling in the new economy".  NY: State University of New York Press.

This morning, I phoned up the graduate school, applying for the change of specialism of my master degree of education, but was informed not eligible to do so, simply because I have taken too many modules of research methods.  The faculty requires the students to take two only but I had taken four, so I don't have enough electives for the specialism of educational psychology.  I need one more module, 3 credits.  The staff advised me to take one more module for the fulfillment, but I will graduate one year later.

This master degree is obviously not quite helpful for my current job and I don't have any reasons to acquire the qualification in such hurry.  Well, I have been studying for this degree for 3 years, which is supposed to complete it in 2 years. 

Studying this master degree is no easy job to me.  I started studying the course right before changing my teaching job to HSSC.  The workload there sometimes drives me crazy, and then my mother passed away when I was in the second year, followed by the birth of my third lovely monster...etc.  It's so amazing and courageous for me to finish the course with only 1 more year extension!!!

I always testify to others that, men are so strong with abundant strengths.  The critical point is, whether we are confident enough, with adequate perseverance, and of course, positive support from those who are around you, to strive for achieving the purpose and aim(s).

In fact, when I was informed that I'm not eligible for changing my specialism this morning, I was quite disappointed, but then I justified my act so quickly!  Thank God for helping me so!!  In fact, it seems underprivileged for me taking the master degree in general stream only, but who knows next?  Who can tell me the degree won't be another opportunity for my next step of life??!!

More than a decade ago, my wife and I decided to study abroad.  It took more than a hundred thousand dollars for the school fees, living expenses and everything to accomplish our dream and, more importantly, we both quited our job with that decision.  I got a teaching job already at that time, and no point for me to study for a postgraduate degree in business. 

Well, who knew what would have happened next?  I wouldn't have qualified to get a job in HSSC thereafter.  My wife wouldn't have a chance to commit herself of being a Christian.  We wouldn't have met Ian and his family, and got the true feelings of love and care.  We (my wife and I) wouldn't have the chance to enjoy ourselves the honeymoon YEAR!!  Most importantly, unless we're out of town, both of us had no chance to  be aware that our parents and family are so important to our lives and growth.

After all, I was confirmed that I could go back to work at the same school right after I came back HK, and so was my wife.  If we're so worried about getting a job after coming back to town, calculating in details the expenses of studying abroad...etc., we're quite sure we wouldn't have gone there for further study.

My wife and I still remember clearly the days when we're in London, so quiet and peaceful.  We ever got to see snowing, ever been to Europe, and when we're in London, we have been to the Netherlands, Paris, and Greece ourselves!!  We drove the whole day long to Oxford and Bath also.  All those things and events were so unforgettable to us!!

So, what I have been doing, or have just done, are the consequences, results.  Nevertheless, somewhere, somehow, and later, all those things might become the causes, leading to other consequences.  Who knows?!

So, what I need to do and prepare now, is to strive for doing well, no matter it's only tiny stuff, or major decision.  Trying best is the motto, and being positive is the attitude.

Being a religious man, I do believe what I have done, or have been doing, is the programmed path from God.  My intelligence is far behind HIS and so, it's impossible for me to understand his will and direction.  But one thing for sure, HE provide me enough strength, perseverance, courage and ability to go along HIS will, no matter the path I follow includes fear, pain, sorrow, and full of unexpectancy.  I believe HE provide me enough power to handle all.

親愛的兆麒：

上星期和你通電，談及你現時所面對的困境，我不太着意說一些安慰的話語，內容有關你現在的困難也是一個經歴、總會捱過去. . . . . . 云云。你似乎苦笑回應說，畢而我也嘗嘗那種痛苦和難過。那刻，我真的無言以對，我似乎說得輕描淡寫、委實有點兒說魯莽了。

這數天我不斷反思，有點衝動要給兄弟你回應，去証明我確實身同感受你現在所面對的難關。

打從小一開始，我便經驗到親人患病的那種煎熬。我還記得，當媽媽和我們三兄姊弟到屋邨口的士多或雜貨舖，短短數分鐘路程，她便要停下來兩、三次歇息，有時更氣喘得用口呼吸；她為免我們擔心，試過有兩、三次買紅豆冰淇淋給我們吃，美其名叫我們不要邊走邊吃，要停下來吃，其實是她自己在歇息。現在，連我次子心培都知道我祇愛吃紅豆冰淇淋。

那個暑假的某一天(應該是星期天)，外婆和比我們大數年的姨姨來到我們家，爸爸和外婆突然說，我們要到她們家裡住，後來我們才知道媽媽進了醫院。 在外婆衹有二百多平方呎的徙置屋，一家七口共同住了約三、四個星期後，由於新學年要開課，爸爸便找來一位嬸嬸照顧我們。 我這刻仍清楚記得有一次，比我大三年的哥哥用掛衫用的丫义，指着嬸嬸，互相對罵。我未見過哥哥這樣憤怒。

我想告訴你兆麒，在老媽兩年前返天家之前，她老人家進出醫院留醫超過十多次。我還記得中三的那一次，因她在醫院太久，她出院回家那天，我上午在學校，一直忐忑不安。放學後故意留校打乒乓球，因為我不太敢回家去面對一個有點陌生的媽媽。

我清楚記得，曾經有一個深夜，電話鈴聲大響，爸爸聽過後便立即叫我個三兄姊弟換衣服趕往醫院。爸爸在的士裡說，媽媽很危險，醫生要我們去看她。 我也清楚記得，深夜的病房異常的漆黑；我們在病房門口跪地禱告。那次似乎是我們一家人第一次跪地一起祈禱。

我有點誇張的告訴你，我對次子心培一歲多時候的生活點滴沒有大多的印象，因為那段時間，媽媽腦中風，我差不多每晚都往威記探她，亦可順便和老父吃飯和送他回家，免他老人家太頻撲。那次老媽住院，也差不多有三個月的光景。

兆麒，我告訴你這些事情，並不是和你「鬥惨」，事實上你也知我老媽的情況；而是我想告訴你，我也曾經走過那條難行的路，並走了三十多年，也造就了我非常着緊孩子健康和謹慎的性格。 但是，苦難總會過去，創天造地的天父也必用祂的手扶持着我們，叫我們在艱苦的日子裡撐下去。

兄弟，撐住呀。

奇里夫

零九年八月十日 寫於寂靜無聲的晚上

Three more lessons/lectures.  Three more lessons to complete the whole MEd programme in CUHK!!!

Coincidentally, I took Professor Wing-kwong TSANG's lecture for my first module three years ago, and now, I'm currently taking him another module!!!  He's one of the professors which deserves students' respect.  He's real scholor, reading so many books in his life, and goes on reading and researching!!  I should take a photo with him in the graduation ceremony in the coming December, simply because he's my first and also the last professor to meet in this programme!

I dreamt of getting a master degree of education many years ago, simply because I like teaching.  I enjoy being an "educator" and of course, being a "student".  I take three whole years to complete the programme, spending days and nights to finish the assignments, rushing to and sometimes sleeping at the lectures, sacrificing so many precious moments to play with my lovely monsters.  For what? For my life of accomplishment.

I'm going to have the second master degree and so, what's next?  Who knows?  God know.  I have thought of getting a doctoral degree, challenging myself and maintain my job.  Worth it? Of coursssse not!  I don't really want to kill millions of my brain cells in 3 years or more, spending another hundreds of nights to do research and thesis.  Life is not like that.

Professor TSANG said today in the lecture, that HK people like to say, lifelong learning.  But in fact, they strive for lifelong learning simply for lifelong employment!  In the western culture, lifelong learning always aim for lifelong active citizen participation, and sometimes for the fulfillment of fruitful life!!

I have my own strength to construct the path of my life!!