老餅范

Yesterday Yee Fun and I brought Xin Ming, our youngest son to my school. I promised Ah Yuk, our school janitor to bring my lovely youngest son back school. She is crazy to babies. Finally I kept my promise and let her see my son.

Then we had lunch in New Town Plaza, followed by shopping around CitySuper. Xin Ming fell asleep peacefully and sweetly in his mother's hug.

I could free myself then in going back the lecture of my MEd study. Suddenly I thought about it: I have to finish my master degree programme this year, that means, I have to take 2.5 modules in the coming summer holiday. Sounds crazy, right? Probably, but it's not impossible.

I will be crazy and extremely busy therefore, in the coming summer vacation, but in return, a free man then in the evenings, and with two master degrees in title. It's also a promise to myself, to my family that nothing is impossible but willpower, perseverance, and my own promise.

So, I made up my mind, taking 2.5 modules, finishing them, and ultimately, getting the hook and gown for a photo with my family in the graduation ceremony this year.

So, help me God.

Last Saturday I brought my son for a hair cutting. Ah Ming is our barber whom I have known him for nearly twenty years. We talked about the raising of kids. He told me what his father-in-law said. His father asked Ming and his daughter to give birth of a child, simply because of one single reason: whey they grow older and stay in an elderly home, someone will visit them. They're not supposed to give birth, but after a word from his father-in-law, Ming decided to do so, and now his daughter is in P. 5.

We have three, far much more than we expected. Yet, we gain joyfulness more than sufferings, probably because both Yee Fun and I love children. Every night, when I see them sleep so sweet and calm, that's the source of our joyfulness, together with tiredness of course.

I rode bicycle with my second son last night, along Waterfront Park. He's fabulous in doing sports and particularly in cycling (though four wheels!), and I jogged at the same time. It's good exercise between us, and more importantly, we have precious moments to be together. After cycling and putting back the bike, he's so well behaved that he didn't locked me up. It proves to me that when he's treated well, he behaves well.

This year I participated in the 800m race in the school Athelete Meet. Going back to F. 2, I ran for this distance but failed to finish it. I still remembered the bad feelings at that moments. N years later, I ran for the same, but this time, together with support and applause by colleagues and students, I got it. I even didn't stop for a second and ran for the whole 800m journey!!!

That's what I wish to share, with me, with my kids, with those who is going to read my blog.

Now is the time for a less selfish capitalism
By Richard Layard

What is progress? The Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development has been asking this question for some time and the current crisis makes it imperative to find an answer. According to the Anglo-Saxon Enlightenment, progress means the reduction of misery and the increase of happiness. It does not mean wealth creation or innovation, which are sometimes useful instruments but never the final goal. So we should stop the worship of money and create a more humane society where the quality of human experience is the criterion. Provided we pay ourselves in line with our productivity, we can choose whatever lifestyle is best for our quality of life.

And what would that involve? The starting point is that, despite massive wealth creation, happiness has not risen since the 1950s in the US or Britain or (over a shorter period) in western Germany. No researcher questions these facts. So accelerated economic growth is not a goal for which we should make large sacrifices. In particular, we should not sacrifice the most important source of happiness, which is the quality of human relationships – at home, at work and in the community. We have sacrificed too many of these in the name of efficiency and productivity growth.

Most of all we have sacrificed our values. In the 1960s, 60 per cent of adults said they believed “most people can be trusted”. Today the figure is 30 per cent, in both Britain and the US. The fall in trustworthy behaviour is clear in the banking sector but can also be seen in family life (more break-ups), in the playground (fewer friends you can trust) and in the workplace (growing competition between colleagues).

Increasingly, we treat private interest as the only motivation on which we can rely and competition between individuals as the way to get the most out of them. This is often counterproductive and does not generally produce a happy workplace since competition for status is a zero-sum game. Instead, we need a society based on positive-sum activities. Humans are a mix of selfishness and altruism but generally feel better working to help each other rather than to do each other down.

Our society has become too individualistic, with too much rivalry and not enough common purpose. We idolise success and status and thus undermine our mutual respect. But countries vary in this regard, and the Scandinavians have managed to combine effective economies with much greater equality and mutual respect. They have the greatest levels of trust (and happiness) of any countries in the world.

To build a society based on trust we have to start in school, if not earlier. Children should learn that the noblest life is the one that produces the least misery and the most happiness in the world. This rule should apply also in business and professional life. People should do work that is useful to society and does not just make paper profits. And all professions – including journalism, advertising and business – should have a clear, professional, ethical code that its members are required to observe. It is not for nothing that doctors form the group most respected in our society – they have a code that is enforced and everyone knows it.

So we need a trend away from excessive individualism and towards greater social responsibility. Is it possible to reverse a cultural trend in this way? It has happened before, in the early 19th century. For the next 150 years there was a growth of social responsibility, followed by a decline in the next 50. So a trend can change and it is often in bad times (such as the 1930s in Scandinavia) that people decide to seek a more co-operative lifestyle.

I have written a book about how to do this and there is room here for three points only. First we should use our schools to promote a better value system – the recent Good Childhood report sponsored by the UK Children’s Society was full of ideas about how to do this. Second, adults should reappraise their priorities about what is important. Recent events are likely to encourage this and modern happiness research can help find answers. Third, economists should adopt a more realistic model of what makes humans happy and what makes markets function.

Three ideas taught in business schools have much to answer for. One is the theory of “efficient capital markets”, now clearly discredited. The second is “principal agent” theory, which says the agents will perform best under high-powered financial incentives to align their interests with those of the principal. This has led to excessive performance-related pay, which has often undermined the motive to work well for the sake of doing a good job and introduced unnecessary tension among colleagues. Finally, there is the macho philosophy of “continuous change”, promoted by self-interested consulting companies, which disregards the fundamental human need for stability – in the name of efficiency gains that are often not realised.

We do not want communism – as research shows, the communist countries were the least happy in the world and also inefficient. But we do need a more humane brand of capitalism, based not only on better regulation but on better values.

Values matter and they are affected by our theories. We do not need a society based on Darwinian competition between individuals. Beyond subsistence, the best experience any society can provide is the feeling that other people are on your side. That is the kind of capitalism we want.


Lord Layard is at the London School of Economics Centre for Economic Performance. He has written ‘Happiness’ (2005) and co-authored ‘A Good Childhood’ (2009)

March 11, 2009, Financial Times

四孩媽媽：生仔不用想太多
這年頭，不少夫婦寧願照顧貓狗也不生兒育女；也有人熱愛自由，怕被兒女債牽絆；金融海嘯的滔天巨浪，更淹沒了無數個生育計劃。

不生孩子的原因，可以有千百個，但是，生了四個孩子的陳帆醫生卻告訴大家：「用理性去做的決定，很多時是錯的。」她從感情出發，生完一個又一個，並告訴大家，養兒育女毋須花費太多。

醫生夫婦五年抱四
陳帆曾替不少婦女接生，迎接無數小生命的誕生，她自己也是個多產媽媽，五年抱四，而且跟老爺奶奶同住，一家八口三代同堂，好不熱鬧。四個子女分別為16、14、13和11歲。

陳帆最小的兒子在1997年出生，雖然當時經濟好景，但願意生四個的中產父母，仍屬少數。她的丈夫杜家輝是香港中文大學醫學院的教授，二人是同窗，在同屆的80個同學中，只有他們生四個，另有一對生了三個，其餘全是兩個或以下，膝下無兒者亦大有人在。

穿樸實套裝的陳帆，面帶微笑、溫柔婉約地說：「我自小已覺得，家裏人多一點會熱鬧些，較有氣氛，也能互相支持；加上我是基督徒，覺得孩子是神賞賜給我們的禮物。我未結婚時已有建立大家庭的打算。」

一邊考專科試一邊生仔
然而，一個女人的生育年齡，正好與發展事業的黃金期碰個正着，要生仔，就要犧牲事業？

陳帆懷孕、生子的時間，事實上也不太理想。「我們順其自然，並沒有精密計算過何時生、隔多久生是最佳時間。」她27歲結婚，29歲生第一胎，那正值醫生接受艱苦的專科訓練、應考多次專業試的時候。不少人選擇在考獲專科資格後才生育，陳帆卻挺着大肚子，一邊考試、一邊生仔。

為了把時間留給孩子，她在大兒子出生兩年後便離開了政府醫院，放棄大好前途，轉為私人執業。她說：「做媽媽的總想多見見孩子，在政府醫院工作，平均三四天便要在醫院裏on call，30多個小時不能回家。」

問她可會覺得犧牲了事業？她爽快地答﹕「我會得到其他樂趣的，現在是用好東西來交換啊，並不完全是犧牲。」

捱眼瞓餵奶仍滿足
養兒一百歲，長憂九十九，究竟樂趣何在？陳帆說：「未生過的不容易體會，望着孩子你已感到親切，因為他擁有你和你丈夫的血脈，很自然會愛他。成長是個很奇妙的過程，孩子每天也不同的，他跟你的一個眼神交流、第一聲叫媽媽……那種感覺不是能夠用理性去想像出來。

「當他們日漸成長，會變成獨立的個體，會懂得關心你，可以像朋友一般攀談。有時與丈夫談話，他未必會完全遷就你，人會有狀態，他不會24小時做你的100分老公，但子女卻會你、認同你。」

有一年會考放榜，看完報紙上狀元的報道後，陳帆對着當時讀初中的大兒子說：「這個小朋友做得很好啊！記者訪問了他和他的媽媽。」兒子聽罷即說：「得啦，將來你都有機會的！」令她開心不已。

很多媽媽說，湊仔辛苦過返工，但陳帆口中的苦，其實都有快樂在其中，苦與樂，不過是一體的兩面。

捱眼瞓餵夜奶，她覺得是種交流，當中有滿足感；兒子沉迷打機，她說可以把興趣轉化成正能量。「最重要是與他保持良好的關係，不會讓他感覺我們不愛他，回家一開門看見兒子在打機，我會帶着笑容慰問，而不會一開口便罵。做父母就是要面對挑戰，不是每個孩子也順從的，別以為一切是理所當然」。

養孩子，錢非重要元素
經濟差，出生率便下降，不少人害怕生養子女會耗盡身家。陳帆卻肯定地說，養大孩子毋須400萬 。

「我們並沒有預算過要儲多少錢才去生，足夠應付衣食已可以，當然也要供書教學，但孩子都是讀本地學校，學費不貴，我們現在也未有計劃送子女到外國讀書。

「課外班是選擇性的，並非必須。」她的子女，不是個個也有學音樂，即使參加運動班，也是政府開辦的，不會花費太多。她謂：「有錢的，並不一定要把它花掉，沒錢的，可以不花。」

醫生家庭，當然經濟無憂吧，陳帆卻說：「我們過着一般人的生活，在教會中認識的都是中等家庭，好少有錢朋友。」在她眼中，錢，並不是把孩子養大的重要元素。她相信：「只要能感受到家庭溫暖，擁有被愛的滿足感，孩子很少會在物質上要求太多。」

她笑說：「不要讓孩子知道你好有錢。」陳帆和丈夫都在公屋長大，出身基層，她說，家裏沒錢，反而有利品格和生命的培育。「若太富有，孩子會失去奮鬥的動力。 即使有錢，也不要在物質上過分供應。」她每星期會給大兒子500元零用錢，初中的子女有200至300元，仍讀小學的則欠奉。

「結婚生仔令人生完全」
現代人選擇多了，不養兒，可以獻身事業、養寵物、寄情個人嗜好。各有原因地推遲了結婚和生育的年齡。十多年前，她看見生第一胎的年齡平均是27至28歲，但現在已推遲到32至33歲，三十來歲才生第一胎，之後便沒可能生育得更多了。

「人以為自己多了很多選擇，可以揀生與不生，但當我們用理性去做決定時，很多時是錯的。因為人的思考能力有限，未試過的便不敢去試，會產生恐懼。

「我不是特首，不會呼籲每人生三個，生不生是很個人的選擇。」這個四子之母隨即又語重心長地說：「結婚、生子會令人生變得完全，經營一段成功的婚姻，人的性格會漸漸改變、愈趨成熟。做父母，無條件的付出，是人格上最高尚的情操，只有付出過，才會有滿足感。」

四小孩自得其樂
不少父母照顧獨生子已大喊頭痛，同時照顧四個？真的難以想像，陳帆卻應付自如。

為孩子定人生優次
懂得分配時間，說到底，是先要定下人生的優次，從而作出取捨。她選擇了一份時間較短的工作，如無意外，每天下午約4至5時便可回家。大兒子今年會考，她說為了多留時間給他，正減少替孕婦接生。

「他們四個人，玩什麼都可以湊夠人數，可以下棋、玩紙牌遊戲，很少會拉着我一起玩。」陳帆說，這也是生得多的好處。

一 個 教 師 的 心 聲

馬 世 英 　 學 校 教 師

這 已 是 一 個 在 香 港 從 事 教 育 工 作 的 人 幾 乎 無 人 不 知 曉 的 現 況 ─ ─ 毒 品 禍 害 ， 入 侵 校 園 ！
你 說 政 府 對 這 個 問 題 置 之 不 理 嗎 ？ 憑 良 心 說 ， 絕 對 不 是 。 但 你 說 有 關 部 門 正 在 竭 盡 心 力 的 去 打 擊 毒 害 ， 不 遺 餘 力 的 阻 止 毒 品 戕 害 我 們 未 來 的 主 人 翁 嗎 ？ 我 心 裏 卻 有 一 個 解 不 開 的 問 號 ， 借 此 就 一 些 問 題 請 教 各 位 同 工 、 前 輩 、 長 官 ， 希 望 大 家 不 吝 賜 教 。


毒 害 蔓 延 小 學
大 概 二 個 多 月 前 ， 教 育 當 局 與 香 港 警 務 署 等 機 構 舉 辦 了 一 個 有 類 似 關 於 青 少 年 濫 藥 的 專 題 講 座 ， 發 函 廣 邀 從 事 教 育 工 作 者 參 加 。 敝 校 由 校 長 以 降 ， 副 校 長 、 輔 導 主 任 、 學 校 發 展 主 任 及 訓 導 主 任 等 應 邀 赴 會 ， 是 日 也 ， 群 賢 畢 至 ， 少 長 咸 集 ， 把 灣 仔 伊 館 擠 得 熱 鬧 非 常 。

大 會 邀 請 了 禁 毒 委 員 會 的 一 位 專 業 醫 生 對 於 時 下 本 港 流 行 的 毒 品 種 類 ， 為 害 的 嚴 重 情 況 都 作 詳 盡 的 講 解 ， 警 務 署 也 派 了 一 位 從 事 打 擊 毒 品 犯 罪 有 豐 富 經 驗 的 高 級 主 管 向 我 們 分 析 了 警 方 打 擊 毒 品 犯 罪 的 最 新 數 據 。

我 不 知 其 他 在 會 場 聽 講 座 的 同 工 及 前 輩 怎 麼 想 ， 可 能 我 少 見 多 怪 吧 ， 這 些 嘉 賓 講 者 每 一 句 話 都 讓 我 觸 目 驚 心 ， 原 來 迷 姦 藥 已 經 從 過 去 讓 受 害 者 由 不 省 人 事 任 人 擺 佈 的 程 度 「 改 良 」 成 令 受 害 者 因 幻 想 而 產 生 興 奮 的 新 品 種 。 原 來 索 K 、 啪 丸 在 青 少 年 心 中 與 成 年 人 的 抽 煙 、 飲 酒 一 樣 的 普 遍 。 原 來 連 小 學 也 逃 不 了 毒 品 的 魔 掌 ！

為 甚 麼 這 個 本 來 是 作 育 英 才 的 園 地 ， 為 甚 麼 這 個 原 是 我 們 青 少 年 追 尋 夢 想 的 天 堂 ， 變 得 如 此 骯 髒 ！ 變 得 如 此 恐 怖 ！ 變 得 如 此 不 堪 ！

主 講 嘉 賓 講 演 之 後 ， 接 着 是 台 下 聽 眾 發 問 的 時 間 。 本 人 按 捺 不 住 首 先 提 出 了 兩 個 問 題 ：
一 、 如 果 我 們 在 學 校 發 覺 一 位 同 學 ， 無 論 他 的 行 為 及 神 態 都 很 像 與 會 講 者 所 說 的 ， 有 服 食 毒 品 的 徵 兆 ， 校 方 通 知 家 長 ， 希 望 讓 該 生 去 檢 查 以 澄 清 一 下 ， 但 對 方 不 肯 ， 校 方 可 以 怎 麼 辦 ？ 教 育 局 及 警 方 可 以 怎 樣 支 援 我 們 ？
答 案 是 只 要 學 生 不 願 意 去 檢 查 ， 教 育 局 及 警 方 都 愛 莫 能 助 ， 亦 即 幫 不 上 忙 。
二 、 如 果 學 生 願 去 檢 查 ， 但 檢 查 結 果 是 學 生 沒 有 濫 藥 ， 而 家 長 或 學 生 因 此 投 訴 校 方 的 話 ， 教 育 局 對 有 關 學 校 會 怎 麼 做 ？
答 案 是 只 要 學 校 處 理 過 程 合 理 ， 學 校 應 該 沒 有 問 題 。


一 味 惡 性 縱 容
有 關 當 局 不 是 要 求 我 們 站 在 最 前 線 的 老 師 要 隨 時 注 意 學 生 的 異 常 情 況 以 防 止 毒 品 禍 害 越 演 越 烈 嗎 ？ 但 這 樣 的 答 覆 不 等 於 是 往 老 師 頭 上 潑 冷 水 嗎 ？ 我 們 可 以 怎 麼 樣 ！

近 日 有 愛 民 邨 商 場 學 生 打 群 架 事 件 ， 上 水 五 位 初 中 女 生 索 K 事 件 。 互 聯 網 上 粗 口 辱 罵 甚 至 推 打 老 師 、 圍 毆 同 學 作 樂 的 短 片 更 是 屢 見 不 鮮 。 在 這 個 對 未 明 白 是 非 黑 白 的 小 孩 子 不 嚴 加 管 教 ， 一 味 惡 性 縱 容 ， 「 錯 完 可 以 不 斷 再 錯 」 的 放 縱 下 ， 我 們 可 以 怎 麼 樣 ？
縱 容 溺 愛 小 孩 子 ， 只 會 害 了 下 一 代 ； 縱 容 少 數 頑 劣 分 子 ， 只 會 害 了 大 多 數 社 會 未 來 的 棟 樑 。

Apple Daily News, March 16, 2009

Today I shared with my class about personality and self-concept. In preparing what I should have said, I recalled a scene when I was in F. 2. My classmate asked if I am the youngest in the family, because he found me "little air" and always command everything without taking care of other's feelings. That's the starting point where I realized my own personality.


I understand that some of my characters are shaped and moded by my parents. That's what I fail to deny. Therefore, I should always bear in mind myself in nurturing my kids. At least I try my best not to undermine their confidence and self-image. Trying to be positive towards things is important.

* * * * * *

Gordon (Xin Pei) visited the doctor in the medical clinic yesterday for usual check-up. He's now 107cm tall. In fact, he's the tallest in class. He's so far normal in spoken ability, and will take a review by doctor in 6 months. Yee Fun and I try not to take it so serious as we believe, one's potential is so great. We should trust in God. God's grace and supply is abundant.

人生
人生吧，
0歲出場，
10歲拙莊成長；
20為情動心；
30基本定向；
40拼命打闖；
50回頭望望；
60告老還鄉；
70搓搓麻將；
80曬曬太陽；
90躺在床上；
100掛在牆上...

一生的連系 ：
能牽手的時候，請別只是並肩而行；
能擁抱的時候，請別只是牽手對望；
能在一起的時候，請別輕易分開！
當大部分人都在關注你飛得高不高時，只有少部分人關心你飛得累不累--這就是真情；再忙也要好好照顧自己，朋友雖不常聯系卻一直惦念着您！

2009年新概念
一個中心：一切以健康為中心。
兩個基點：遇事瀟灑一點，看事糊塗一點。
三個忘記：忘記年齡，忘記得失，忘記對錯。
四個擁有：無論你有多強或多弱，一定要擁有真正愛你的人，擁
有知心朋友，擁有理想盼望，擁有溫暖的家。
五個需要：要唱，要跳，要俏，要笑，要苗條。
六個不能：不能餓了纔吃，不能渴了纔喝,不能倦了纔睡，不能累了纔歇，不能病了纔檢查，不能老了再後悔!

It's uneasy to imagine how busy and tired for a father of three, with his wife working full-time also. Yesterday, it's another precious moments for me to take care of two kids, and even 3 kids when my daughter was back from picnic. The youngest son is onlly 7 months old, and so, he needs only milk and a bit attention. My second child, Gordon is not the same. He needs extra attention.

I'm reading a book written by a counsellor. It's about parenting of boys. The author inspires me the difference of nurturing boys and girls, and yet, my elder boy requires special attention. I mean he requires more and customized attention, and of course the way of 'bargaining' with him. Sometimes he's a bit stubborn and always says 'no' at the first stance.

Sammi, our eldest daughter, recently expressed her anger and boredom in a more vigorous way. She cries and yells sometimes. Most likely she's learning from younger brother.

We've been spending tremendous efforts on them, though our workloads are heavy. It's always heavy workload in HSSC. Our dept. head is only coupled in the family without kids, and two of others are still single, though in early forties (I guess so). The other colleague, though married, also has no kids. She's not hardworking but only enjoying her own lives. I don't agree totally to her attitude towards students and work but, it's inappropriate to criticize anyone. That's it.

Recently I have paid more attention and tolerance to Gordon, and found that our relationship has been getting much better and better. I know it won't be easy to raise the 3 kids but, once we're committed to it, we should always try our best. More than that, they're our generation, gettting the genes from my wife and me. That's the heredity of our lives.

Time passes. We know we're in tough stage, but once we develop good relationship and bonding among them, we'll have good way ahead of us.